My philosophy thing the one with shinji in
by The White Raven
Summary: a stupid philosophy essay that just happened to feature shinji in it! quite funny (so i've been told)


Neon Genesis Evangelion Episode 27 (the one that doesn't exist!) Inside the mind of an anime fan! Is Alex going insane?  
  
The area I was in was dark. I had been walking to school when a bizarre dizziness had washed over me. I felt as though I may be unconscious, you know that ineffable sensation where you know that you aren't awake but it still seems real? I felt strangely warm in this darkness and I felt unusually calm too. "I'm probably just having another epileptic seizure." I thought to myself. "If I am, I hope someone finds me and gets me an ambulance! I don't like the thought of seizing in the middle of the street with no-one around!" After a time I realized that I wasn't going to be returning to consciousness anytime soon and I started to panic. "Don't worry, you're perfectly safe!" sounded a voice from the darkness. "Umm.what's going on?" I asked, not really expecting an answer. "This is your mind." Came the blunt reply "My mind? What do you mean? It's so.dark." I realized that this disembodied voice seemed to emanate from everywhere "Yes I can see that. That's what's got me worried!" "I don't understand. Who are you?" I asked. "I thought you'd have tried to guess by now? Well? Want to give it a shot?" replied the unseen stranger, "Are you.God?" I asked warily. The voice laughed. "Heh. No I don't think I'm what you'd consider God, as you put it. Think of me as your.hmm.how to put this?.lets just say I'm a.figment of your mind of sorts." The voice was quite soft and calming. "Well do you think I could see you? I have trouble keeping a conversation with a disembodied figment of my own psyche!" At this a shape began to appear in front of me. The shape shifted and glimmered until it began to take on the form of a young boy. I stared at the boy open mouthed "Okay. This is starting to get a bit surreal! Why do you look like Shinji Ikari from neon genesis Evangelion?" Shinji looked at his new form. "I suppose because you feel comfortable with this form. Don't ask me it's YOUR subconscious!" "That's it. I've gone insane! Completely loopy! Off the deep end! Zippo! Nuts! Absolutely." Shinji cut me off. "Ok ok I think I get the picture! And no you're not insane, it's just your mind is trying to contemplate it's reason for existence! It happens to everybody at least once!" I looked at Shinji hopefully. "Really? Everyone?" He looked apprehensive "No not really you were just trying to make yourself feel better. Sorry!" "GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I HAVE gone insane! First I collapse now I'm talking to an anime character! Who says he's my subconscious mind!" He looked hurt "No, I said I'm a figment of your mind we're IN your subconscious as we speak." I looked at him with an insane grin plastered across my face. He backed away very cautiously. "I want to WAKE UP NOW!" I shouted to no one in particular. "I don't think you can until I've said something life changing to you." Said Shinji (I can't believe I'm actually calling him.it.whatever, Shinji!) "What are you talking about? Why am I even talking to you? What the heck is going on and WHY THE HELL CAN I HEAR 'FLY ME TO THE MOON' BEING SUNG?!" I was getting very confused. "Ow! Jeez! No need to shout! I'm right here! Anyway, to answer your questions, 1.It's in my contract. 2.because you need some guidance 3.i already said; we're in your mind And 4. It's the ending theme to Evangelion. Your favourite anime?" I was REALLY confused now. "If you say your 'life changing' words will you go away?" I asked, starting to look very angry. Shinji was a little worried about my behaviour. "Um, yeah, I should think so that's why you had this little episode anyway." As soon as those words had left his mouth, a big title screen appeared looking exactly like the ones at the start of every Evangelion episode. It read; "Neon Genesis Evangelion episode 27 (the one that doesn't exist) inside the mind of an anime fan! Has Alex gone insane?" I felt my grip on reality and my sanity slowly slipping away. Shinji looked disturbed too. "Uh, I think you should just ignore that and listen to me. You're taking things too fast in life you need to slow down and just take things one step at a time. By the way, you're going to have a philosophy lesson today about religious experiences so I suggest you think about our little conversation and maybe you can give me a mention?" I looked at Shinji even more confused than I was before. "Don't worry. You're going to wake up and feel a lot better for this little episode" The screen flashed up again. Shinji groaned. "Never mind that." He started to wave his arms comically "you're going to waaaaake uuuuup nooooow. Waaake uuuup!" the darkness receded slowly, and crept outwards beyond my peripheral vision until it was gone. I was walking towards the college. I stopped mid stride. I thought about what had just happened and looked at my watch. No time was lost. I had just had a psychotic episode. I thought about this for a second. "Cool!" I said to myself, "now THAT'S something to tell the psychiatrist!"  
  
Written by Alex Clucas also known as (to his Internet buddies) The White Raven (read into that what you will!) 


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